Walking the Tight-Rope

For this post I would like to take a break from the timeline of my life and focus on what I like to call "walking the tight rope." 

For me, dealing with BPD has always felt like I am walking a tight rope. I spent my entire life building up all these safety nets. I had a safety net for just about everything especially my emotions, my fears and the way in which I dealt with people. I walked the line everyday so afraid to fall that it took a toll on me. 

It consumes so much time and energy to walk that line. It feels like a chore everyday to build and maintain these nets so that I can face the day. Fear is what drives me to build such intricate nets of safety so that I don't have to feel.  Fear that if I were to fall of the rope, I would never get back up. The pain, the emotion and the all encompassing emptiness would hold me down forever. For years I walked that tight rope and there are times I still get on it. DBT has helped me in so many ways.

I have realized that the safety nets are a way for me to live life without ever being exposed to it, in a way. I have made a point to remember that like anything else in life if I fall of that line, ad I have before (my divorce, deaths in the family...etc) I can and will climb that latter and start again. DBT has giving me the skills and strength that I need to slowly take down all my nets and walk the rope with my head held high.