Sunday, February 20, 2011

Putting on the Mask.

I have worn many masks in my life. Always the one that fits into the current situation. It doesn't always work but it is very tasking, so very tiring. I do not do this to change who I am to fit in. I do this to be normal. I put the mask on so that others don't get bombarded by my emotions.  So why then am I bombarding others with my emotions?

After a long day of wearing the mask I can't push anymore, I can't make myself be different anymore. My emotions are more inflamed than ever. So who gets the brunt of my non-mask wearing emotional assault? My family does, my poor family and loved ones, the ones that did nothing to deserve it. I can't stop it though, I have expelled all my energy in that department trying to make it through the day. I have hurt so many people in this way and for that I am so sorry.

My close family and usually those I am in a relationship with, those that are still there at the end of the day get it all. The unleashed me, I hate myself for that. Seems like it is backwards, it isn't my family who should suffer this. I should not be taking this out on my significant other either. Perhaps that is why I always end up alone.

To my family, I love you. You are always there, you put up with the worst of me and I am sorry.

1 comment:

  1. A family's love is unconditional - there is no need to apologise even if they are upset, it passes.