Sunday, February 27, 2011

Don't Sink Your Boat

I compiled a mini post of this subject on facebook. I wanted to further explain the topic though.

This is a borderline habit I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. The nature behind it is my lack of self-confidence. Due to this lacking I have a tendency to second guess myself. This second guessing you will soon see is the water in which fills the boat.

I would like to make this clear firstly. I am borderline and I am prone to emotional outbreak. This does not mean I am always wrong. It doesn't mean that my point is invalid or unjustified. And it does not mean that I should not have brought it up.

Having said that, my borderline self leaves me second guessing that very point. It doesn't help when others make you feel that way also. It's hard when you have little to no self-esteem to say "no, I have a valid point". Then you have others that would say that your wrong simply due to your actions. Here's where the sinking begins.

The more I second guess the harder it is to believe that I could be justified, with my cause if not my actions. Every thought of  well maybe I did do this or shouldn't have said that  adds a bucket of water, threatening to sing my boat.

Don't sink your boat  means don't second guess yourself, stick to the facts and don't lose confidence. 

My most recent experience with this is a confrontation I had with my ex husband about our daughter.  There was an issue about my daughter not brushing her teeth while at his house for the weekend.  I started to bring up the topic. Needles to say my emotions got out of hand and for lack of a better expression I word vomited all over him. Obviously this made him angry.

Later when he was gone I kept thinking that I shouldn't have said anything. I felt that my concerns were not valid or justified because of the way that I acted that caused his reaction. More and more buckets of water pouring into my boat. This leads to second guessing of other situations as well adding more to the problem.

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